How to survive your psychiatrist
by Coooooookie77
Summary: May you never rest in peace, because you would find that far to boring. Reincarnation, a bit of SI-OC, drabble-story
1. A bad start

AN: Well hello there my dear readers. Welcome to my first ever (published) fanfiction. You can thank my dear darling friend peruna (check them out if you like, they're cool) for me finally uploading some of my writing.

So let's get started with update-week, you my dear readers get an update a day till I run out of chapters (beware this is indeed a drabble series, you'll find no 10k chapters here) and then there will be silence till the next batch.

So now onwards! To the chapter!

-oOo-

I

Christy was not a happy child.

For one she was a grown ass man.

For another her name wasn't Christy it was James and the two strangers that insisted that they were her parents could fuck of, she was older than them by half a century. She didn't need some entitled toddlers telling her what to do.

Reincarnation really hadn't been kind to James.


	2. Hell

AN: hello dear readers, It's a bit early since I have places to see, people to meet today. I'll try to keep these brief, since my chapters are so short

Yona0: she's a grumpy old man

danielacharry97: believe me it will get creepy (eventually)

Peruna: Aww thanks darling

Now onwards!

-oOo-

II

Preschool was it's own special kind of hell for James. Telling the caretaker where exactly to stuff his stupid infantile "learning" games was a mistake in hindsight. Now she'd been dragged to the timeout corner and left there under strict supervision, stewing in her shame for daring to make complex articulate (if rather rude) sentences.

Being treated like a 2 year old was humiliating.


	3. The toddlers

III

When she thought repeatedly being put in timeout was bad, she hadn't known the humiliation of the two terrible toddlers (her "parents") being called to the preschool to talk about her "inappropriate" behavior. It wouldn't be the last time.


	4. Fighting

IV

"Honey bunny, that was a very, very bad word." Toddler 1 simpered sickening sweet. James couldn't stand that tone of voice it made her skin crawl and her brain cells try to kill themself, slowly, with a spoon, like his grandniece always threatened to do when he was being embarrassing.

"Where did you learn these bad bad words, cute pie?"

"In my last life." _Bitch_ "And stop talking to me like i'm 4, it's degrading!" How she wished Toddler 1 would just shut up. Couldn't she let her curse in peace. Stubbing her toe was painful and deserved a good: _fuck you, table!_

"Now who told you to say that, kitty cat? And such a big word too. My, aren't you precious. My darling little birdy."

"Nobody! I can damn well think for myself!"

Being talked at by the toddlers always made her angry. They had been having variations of this same conversation for a year or two. It never changed.


	5. Retaliation

V

James decided that if the two toddlers were going to ignore everything she said and did, she would ignore them right back. Starting with that terrible name they insisted on calling her. She wasn't Cristy and they weren't her parents.

He had a house he lived in for a good 4 decades with his best friend, and a lovely grandniece to embarrass and pamper. He paid his own taxes long befor these two toddlers were more than a twinkle in their parents eyes.

She was a grown ass man and her name was James, damn it!


	6. Late night snacks

VI

It was late at night, when James snuck out of her bedroom (It was horrible and pink and princess-y. She couldn't stand it.) to get a midnight snack. She had after all left her dinner only half eaten, because of a particular bad row with the toddlers.

As she passed the living room she heard them talking.

"I can't ... I just... I just don't know what to do anymore Richard." Toddler 1 blubbered "we tried everything and she still insists on that ridiculous previous life story, she doesn't even react to her name anymore."

"Shh, darling, everything will sort itself out. She just has an over active imagination. It's just a phase. She'll grow out of it." Toddler 2 tried to soothe her.

"But what if she doesn't? What if this is more than a phase? She's been doing this since... since... Oh, I don't know! More than a year at least! What if she's ill!"

"Then we do the best we can, Susan. Just like we always do. How about we go to sleep now and in the morning, when everything doesn't feel so horrible anymore, we look for a good child psychiatrist to take a look at our darling angel."

Oh, hell no! James didn't like that. Not at all. If she had to act like a stupid 5 year old she would. What she wouldn't do was end up in some demented living facility for crazy people. So she would bite her tongue, cut back the cursing and stop talking about her first life (he missed his grandniece and his best friend). She would even stop ignoring the horrid curse of a name the toddlers had inflicted on her.


	7. Life

AN: Yona0: not yet, but soon. I normally try to keep the chapter text to ca. 100words (it is a drabble after all). They'll get longer again once we reach canon.

VII

Life passed. It was awful. James hated it. Hated having to respond to Christy, hated to dumb herself down, hated to pretend the toddlers were her parents. Hated it. HATED it. **HATED** IT.

He missed playing with his grandniece, letting her show of the newest tech she proudly dragged to him.

He missed waking up next to his best friend (his lover, even if they could never tell anyone, being queer just wasn't accepted) and spending the rest of the day playfully bickering.

He missed being a grumpy old man chasing kids of his lawn.


	8. Blood and pain

VIII

Puberty was just as bad the second time around. Just subtract the stiffies and add a horrifying amount of blood and pain. She stopped holding back on the cursing.


	9. Relapse

IX

It was an awful day for James. First the ball she got in the kidney during PE and then her period started in her last class ruining any chance to go swimming after school. All in all it made for a truly terrible mood.

The fight with the toddlers didn't help. Screaming at them that they weren't her parents, that she was a grown ass man probably wasn't the best course of action either.


	10. Therapy

X

The next week the toddlers dragged her 14 (+73) year old ass to a psychiatrist.

The corpulent old git had a voice just as slimy as his hair. He was even worse than toddler 1 with his questions.

"How are you feeling Christy? What did you do, Christy? Why would you do that, Christy?"

It was hell.

Apparently she had delusions (and anger issues). The self important fuck could stuff it. He could try dying wrong and see how he liked it.

(He missed his normal grumpy old man life. He missed his grandniece Clara. He missed Roy. He missed him so damn much.)


	11. Baltimore

XI

The toddlers had decided to move. To Baltimore, god only knew why. James sure as hell doesn't.

She does not want to go there. It's to close. Much to close to where he should have been buried 16 years ago. Much to close to his home.


	12. The most unfortunate name

XII

She's got a new psychiatrist.

After the introductions she had just stared at him for good 5 minutes.

"Your parents must have really hated you."

"As far as I know they did not. Why do you think so?" His accent was smooth and foreign. It gave James the creeps. It reminded her far to much of the books she knew his name from. Hannibal "the cannibal" Lecter had been a foreigner too. Maybe he was being intentionally creepy. Ham it up to deal with his ghastly name.

"You have never heard of the silence of the lambs?" James asked carefully. Roy was a fan of psychothrillers and had even dragged him to the movie when it was released. They'd been the oldest in the audience. Two 60-somethings enjoying gruesome murder on the screen. Well, Roy enjoyed it, he had enjoyed clinging to his love when things got to grisly for him.

"No, should I have?" So he was just plain creepy. Frankly how the toddlers chose him was no mystery. They had probably just picked the most expensive shrink in the area, because throwing money at the problem _always_ helped.

"Nah, forget I ever said anything."

She only had to survive this circus for 2 more years, then James could finally move out and live toddler free.

* * *

AN: So here we are, my dear readers. We have reached canon. And the end of update-week. What did you like, what did you dislike? What do you think of young-girl-James-the-old-man? Any bad spelling/grammar mistakes you noticed?(English is not my first language)

Feedback is appreciated. *:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*

I hope I'll see you next time.


End file.
